Detective Pikachu 11 Pokémon We Think Could Be Murderers

first_img Detective Pikachu comes out this week, and we’ve been fastidiously avoiding anything that even smells like a spoiler for the first live-action Pokemon movie. So we have no idea what the case is that teams up everybody’s favorite electric mouse with a human kid. But one thing we do know is that all the best mystery stories revolve around murder. And in a world full of bizarre animals with fantastic powers, there have to be at least a few cases of Pokemon killing people. We consulted the world’s leading Pokemon trainers and criminologists to profile 11 Pokemon we think have the capacity to murder in cold blood.MarowakThe first generation of Pokemon had some odd concepts in it, but few were as menacing as Marowak. A lizardlike creature who wears a skull on its head, it’s the evolution of Cubone and can be found in the Pokemon Tower as a ghost. The Marowak’s origin story is terrifying – every Cubone is born to a Marowak, which is its mother. When the Marowak dies, the Cubone experiences intense grief that bonds the skull to their head and allows them to evolve into a Marowak themselves. That’s the kind of intense psychosexual backstory that could easily drive a Pokemon to murder.GrimerComposed of toxic sludge, Grimers are one of the most disquieting entries in the Pokedex. These Poison-types are amorphous blobs of waste animated by radiation from the moon. They are so deadly that merely being exposed to the bevy of bacteria growing within them can leave soil infertile for a generation. It also constantly secretes toxic garbage juice from its pores. If one of these wanted to murder you, all it’d have to do is lay itself across your face while you slept like an evil pillow and watch you asphyxiate. The only plus is that it stinks so bad it can’t really sneak up on a person unless they have a bad cold.DrifloonThis one’s actually a murderer in canon – and a murderer of children, no less. Drifloon is a spherical purple Pokemon that floats lazily above the ground, with a pair of stringy arms dangling below. What biological process keeps this beast afloat? Well, it’s inflated with the souls of lost children that mistook it for an ordinary balloon and were abducted and killed. When it’s punctured, those souls escape with a hideous shriek. While we certainly doubt that a PG-13 movie about a crime-solving electric mouse is going to to deep into wholesale child slaughter, there’s no denying that Driftloon is a very shady beast indeed.ArbokIt’s… a big snake. Arbok is one of the most fearsome-looking creatures in Generation 1, a fanged cobra standing a horrifying eleven feet tall. While many of the other Pokemon on this list would kill you secretly and subtly, this big bastard would just wrap its massive muscular body around your fragile frame and crush your bones to powder before slithering off to join the rest of Team Rocket. Oh, and it can also survive for extended periods of time underwater and regrow any body part that gets cut off up to the head. That’s some Terminator-class deadliness there.LitwickThis Generation V Pokemon certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous thing – it’s a cute little candle, shining in the darkness to light your way! But here’s the truth about Litwick: this Ghost/Fire type survives by luring unsuspecting prey deeper and deeper into the dark, leaching away their life energy as it does so. When it’s had its fill, your body will collapse into dust as your soul becomes a ghost, forever haunting the stygian depths where you perished. That’s pretty freaking creepy.Mr. MimeCrime fiction has a long history of serial killers with effete, mincing traits, and the appearance of Mr. Mime in the Detective Pikachu trailer definitely raised some hackles with his horrifying quasi-realistic appearance. The mute Psychic / Fairy dual type is noted for his ability to solidify air molecules into invisible solid constructs with his mental powers, and it’s also canon that he becomes very upset when his performance is interrupted, sometimes to the point of violence. While an unspeaking antagonist might be tough to write around, imagine this little rat bastard sneaking up on you in utter silence to stick an imaginary knife in your jugular. It’s chilling.BanetteAll of the Ghost-type Pokemon are dark and disturbing, but some take it to a much deeper level. Banette, introduced in Generation III, is a grayish doll that was animated by a malevolent spirit and brought to life. It attacks its foes by sticking pins into itself, causing them to experience sympathetic pains, and it’s now obsessed with hunting down the kid that threw it away. That’s a murderer backstory if we’ve ever heard one, and the only way to release the curse and return it to plaything status is to love and care for it – not an easy task when it’s trying to kill you.HonedgePicture this: you’re walking through an old mansion, scared out of your mind, when you see a dope-ass sword hanging on the wall. Looking for a way to defend yourself against things that go bump in the night, you pick it up. Surprise! You just got got by Honedge. This Steel / Ghost type Pokemon has a very adverse reaction to being grabbed by the hilt, wrapping its blue fabric sash around your arm and sucking away your life energy until you perish. That’s not even taking into account the fact that it’s a freaking sentient sword.DarkraiBasically the Freddy Krueger of Pokemon, the mythical creature with the ability to trap unsuspecting victims in never-ending nightmares was introduced in the Rise of Darkrai film. It’s a denizen of the night that is attracted to trauma and suffering, feeding off of the dreams of its victims. You can only break its hold with a Lunar Wing from Cresselia. Some speculate that its entrapment in a ceaseless horror is actually a defense mechanism, but if the end result is death who has time to argue?KangaskhanThere are many different motivations for murder, and protection of a child is one of the purest. Kangaskhans are massive armored creatures standing seven feet tall with a pouch on their stomach that they use to carry their young. If anything moves to threaten that baby, they go buck wild, striking with powerful blows until they are certain that the child is safe. Imagine the carnage that could happen if a baby Kangaskhan got abducted and the mother went on a John Wick-style path of rage trying to get it back? There’d be blood all over the walls.JigglypuffSerial killers need to be able to get their victims helpless in order to deliver the finishing stroke, and what better way to do so than with a hypnotic song? Jigglypuff has typically been portrayed as a spherical diva who just wants to be adored for its singing voice, but listening to it immediately puts the victim into a nearly comatose sleep. Imagine if Detective Pikachu is all about a jilted Jigglypuff who just can’t take the irony anymore and starts brutally murdering the audience after they’re rendered insensate? Some pretty scary stuff there.Pokémon Detective Pikachu lands in theaters May 10More on‘Pokemon: Detective Pikachu’ Toys Blur The Lines of RealityRanking Every Pokemon Movie‘Detective Pikachu’ Trailer Is a Live-Action Pokemon Fever Dream Enter the World of ‘Pokemon: Detective Pikachu’ at SDCC 2019‘Pokemon Sleep’ Puts Pocket Monsters in Your Dreams Stay on targetlast_img read more